I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
