Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
