What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
