It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this just has baby written all over it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
