I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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