I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize