Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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