Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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