i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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