Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
