She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
