found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dick has a subreddit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
