woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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