So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
