Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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