im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
