How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
