I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
