So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
