The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
