just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
