I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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