Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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