in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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