The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
