Walk of Shame. In a state park.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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