I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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