I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
