He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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