hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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