I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize