Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
