How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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