yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
