I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
