i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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