I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
