After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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