She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
cat food counts as protein by the way
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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