This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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