i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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