well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
