He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
