You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
