Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
