I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize