He told me they were just razor bumps!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
