my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
