i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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