You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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