We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
