just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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