drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
