Betty ford says i'm here all night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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