I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize