..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
