Can i not drive my cunt home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
