No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
