even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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