Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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