I wannas sexs uuuuu
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
