1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
