so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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