i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
