just come out here and I will go home with you...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
