people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
