I think my vagina is haunted
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
