don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
