R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My pussy is not your playground.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
