My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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